I read this story this morning about a petition to ask the E! Network to remove all programming related to the Kardashian Family.
I find this laughable and I'll tell you why.
The collective masses and group-think we call "society" demand more of nearly everything every day. We want more money, more noteriety, more advanced technology, more avenues to entertain us, more people to disagree with, more power, more influence and it's never enough. And now they want to go backwards and it just can't happen.
You got what you asked for.
Being born in the 70's and growing up in the 80's I have seen the "coming about" of many modern appliances and early technological advances that it's difficult to imagine life without -- but, apparently, at one time, we did. I remember being called home from a friends house to see the new microwave. It seemed cool. Huge, but cool. I also remember taking the drive out to my Dad's office to see his new Fax Machine. I didn't get that one at all...still not sure I do, actually. I fought [physically] with my brother to change the channel on the TV. [You see, we had to get up from the couch and turn the dial on the box. Getting up and heading towards the TV was an invitation for a beat-down.] My mom had a car phone that was drilled into the center console of her Oldsmobile and I had a bag phone under my drivers seat as I travelled to spring break senior year and all the way through college. I told people my freshman year that "no, I didn't get your E - mail" I wasn't doing that, it was a fad and I remember exactly where I was the first time I heard the word "blog" and thought it was both hilarious and ridiculous at the same time.
Now everyone, including elementary students, have their own cell phones complete with cameras [BTW, what parent of a junior high student thinks that is a good idea?!], text messaging, laptops with cameras [again, HELLO?!], the ability to see and talk to whomever you want, anywhere in the world for free and the ability to purchase anything in the world, any time of the night or day. We have it all.
And although it's what we asked for [read: demanded] we seem to want less but don't want to admit it outloud.
I remember hearing that a suburb near my hometown was discussing a potential new law regarding distracted driving. Essentially, the law would prohibit any activity other than driving when behind the wheel: drivers couldn't drink coffee, apply makeup [probably reasonable], talk on cell phones, text [also reasonable] or even eat your drive-through treasures. It's like no one noticed that we fought and fought for the invention of all of these things and celebrated their arrivals by spending our money but now we want to go backwards and ban them. It's too late. We all got what we asked for.
Which brings me back to the Kardashians. First of all, if you're willing to sign a petition I'm guessing you don't want a lot of E! to begin with, you just want to be known for taking a stand against something popular. Secondly, if you do watch a lot of E! you are, undoubtedly watching a lot of shows featuring the Kardashians because it's about 85% of their programming.
Third and finally, change your channel if you don't like it because they are not going away and even if they did another outspoken family would take their place. As a society we told TV producers that we loved this new genre, "Reality TV" the minute the original Real World aired, and for that matter, Survivor. We jacked up the ratings every time a new Reality TV show aired and TV executives everywhere fell to their knees and thanked whatever god they worshipped because producing it is so drastically cheap in comparison to shows with real actors and salaries, eleborate sets and production costs. It's easy to dress up a house with 16 twin beds, toss some desperate-to-be-famous 20-somethings in it and call it a show. Why would they go back?
They won't and it's because we demanded it.
So, petition signers, I urge you to do something else with your time. Stop blaming the executives at E! for doing what we've asked and just change the channel. Or better yet, turn off your TV all together if you don't like what you see.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
taking classes
Yesterday I had the beginnings of a fascinating conversation with one of our interns at work. [I say 'beginnings' because she had to go to a meeting long before either of us felt done with the conversation!]
She is a senior at a small, local college working hard at getting her degree and wants to be a pastor or, at the very least, she wants to teach as much as she can in a church setting.
Apparently, she is required to take a class entitled "Marriage and Family". I couldn't possibly comprehend what a class like this was meant to teach until she told me some of the subjects they've covered so far: would you change your last name when you get married?, would you ask a guy out on a date? and a more unspoken topic: have you landed your man yet?
After the initial shock wore off that this "education" exists, we started getting into the nitty-gritty of the topics at hand. She told me that the professor [is that even a fair title??] always goes to her for the dissenting opinion.
When the class was asked if they would consider changing their names upon their, apparently inevitable marriage, they responded zombie-like, "yes, of course." My friend responded: "Not if their last name was stupid." She was shunned.
When the class was asked if they would ever ask a guy out on a date they were appalled, shocked and resoundingly said "no"! My friend's reply was: "sure!". They all turned around and gave her the death-stare, undoubtedly crossing her name off their wedding invitation list.
In 2011 it's hard for me to imagine that this passes as education. The "lessons" being taught here are the exact reason I want to go back to my 19 year old self, grab her by the shoulders, shake some sense into her and say, "Stop wondering if you'll marry any of these guys! You won't! You'll find your own way and accomplish things you can't even imagine! You'll have amazing friends, you'll travel, buy your own home at 25, have opinions and ideas you came to on your own and although sometimes you wish you had a partner, it turns out -- you won't need one!" That girl lived in the late 90's and I'm sorry to say it doesn't seem like these 19 or 20 year olds have much of a fighting chance either despite the many years that have since passed.
They don't know yet that God has gifted them and maybe even called them to continue studying, teach [and not just children [gasp! maybe adult men!], be engineers, artists, doctors, graphic designers, movie, TV or theatre producers, diplomats, protesters or business owners. Honestly, I not only resent the way this school and our adults continue to pass on this mentality for keeping our women home and pigeon-holed but I also resent these young women for allowing it. I resent them for depriving us of their God-given talents or gifts, they way they might affect change in the world because they're busy man-hunting because no one told them they didn't have to -- that they'd be ok, even great, if they waited or didn't do it at all.
I look forward to the day when girls grow up looking forward to being able to do it all: work because they love it, work because they are following God's call, love their partners well and without selfishness and, even care for and raise their children too.
She is a senior at a small, local college working hard at getting her degree and wants to be a pastor or, at the very least, she wants to teach as much as she can in a church setting.
Apparently, she is required to take a class entitled "Marriage and Family". I couldn't possibly comprehend what a class like this was meant to teach until she told me some of the subjects they've covered so far: would you change your last name when you get married?, would you ask a guy out on a date? and a more unspoken topic: have you landed your man yet?
After the initial shock wore off that this "education" exists, we started getting into the nitty-gritty of the topics at hand. She told me that the professor [is that even a fair title??] always goes to her for the dissenting opinion.
When the class was asked if they would consider changing their names upon their, apparently inevitable marriage, they responded zombie-like, "yes, of course." My friend responded: "Not if their last name was stupid." She was shunned.
When the class was asked if they would ever ask a guy out on a date they were appalled, shocked and resoundingly said "no"! My friend's reply was: "sure!". They all turned around and gave her the death-stare, undoubtedly crossing her name off their wedding invitation list.
In 2011 it's hard for me to imagine that this passes as education. The "lessons" being taught here are the exact reason I want to go back to my 19 year old self, grab her by the shoulders, shake some sense into her and say, "Stop wondering if you'll marry any of these guys! You won't! You'll find your own way and accomplish things you can't even imagine! You'll have amazing friends, you'll travel, buy your own home at 25, have opinions and ideas you came to on your own and although sometimes you wish you had a partner, it turns out -- you won't need one!" That girl lived in the late 90's and I'm sorry to say it doesn't seem like these 19 or 20 year olds have much of a fighting chance either despite the many years that have since passed.
They don't know yet that God has gifted them and maybe even called them to continue studying, teach [and not just children [gasp! maybe adult men!], be engineers, artists, doctors, graphic designers, movie, TV or theatre producers, diplomats, protesters or business owners. Honestly, I not only resent the way this school and our adults continue to pass on this mentality for keeping our women home and pigeon-holed but I also resent these young women for allowing it. I resent them for depriving us of their God-given talents or gifts, they way they might affect change in the world because they're busy man-hunting because no one told them they didn't have to -- that they'd be ok, even great, if they waited or didn't do it at all.
I look forward to the day when girls grow up looking forward to being able to do it all: work because they love it, work because they are following God's call, love their partners well and without selfishness and, even care for and raise their children too.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
ring spotting
I'm not exactly sure when I learned to do this automatically but I'm guessing it was around the absurd age of 20.
When I see a cute guy I IMMEDIATELY glance to his left hand. I'll wiggle in my seat a little to get a better look. I'll squint my terrible near-sighted eyes to focus better on the guitar-playing hand shaded by bright stage lights. I'll casually, but swiftly, look down when he's not looking.
All to see if he's wearing the tell-tale wedding ring.
Frankly, it's completely ridiculous that I knew there was a need to do this as early as 20. It's not like I was scoping older men, looking for my sugar-daddy [that would come later] it's just that in my city that's when people get married. I don't even live in the South where it's OK to marry when you're 15 [and sometimes your cousin, for that matter] it's just what people do. And not just some people, most people.
This past weekend I was in the great city of New York. I walked over miles of sidewalk and rode miles of subway. I ate in amazing restaurants and was happy to pay the price of an upset stomach for lots and lots of great cheese. I saw a two-man play about the complexities of homosexual male relationships [I could relate to their frustrations with men]. I saw a Broadway show for 50% off. I accidentally happened upon Occupy Wall St when I came out of the subway station. I was told by a seemingly well-trained and sophisticated salesman at Hugo Boss that I was "between a small & a medium". [Needless to say, he lost that sale.] I saw people from every country in the world and I heard nearly every major language there is to speak, but you know what I hardly ever saw?
Wedding rings on cute guys.
It was shocking really. I would look down with pessimistic anticipation and to my surprise, no ring!
This happened so often, I thought about adopting a "no glance" policy but that seemed totally crazy so I gave that up.
So, thank you, men of New York City. Thank you for being my age and not married. Thank you for your pin stripe suits and your ubiquitous iphones. But most of all, thank you for being single.
When I see a cute guy I IMMEDIATELY glance to his left hand. I'll wiggle in my seat a little to get a better look. I'll squint my terrible near-sighted eyes to focus better on the guitar-playing hand shaded by bright stage lights. I'll casually, but swiftly, look down when he's not looking.
All to see if he's wearing the tell-tale wedding ring.
Frankly, it's completely ridiculous that I knew there was a need to do this as early as 20. It's not like I was scoping older men, looking for my sugar-daddy [that would come later] it's just that in my city that's when people get married. I don't even live in the South where it's OK to marry when you're 15 [and sometimes your cousin, for that matter] it's just what people do. And not just some people, most people.
This past weekend I was in the great city of New York. I walked over miles of sidewalk and rode miles of subway. I ate in amazing restaurants and was happy to pay the price of an upset stomach for lots and lots of great cheese. I saw a two-man play about the complexities of homosexual male relationships [I could relate to their frustrations with men]. I saw a Broadway show for 50% off. I accidentally happened upon Occupy Wall St when I came out of the subway station. I was told by a seemingly well-trained and sophisticated salesman at Hugo Boss that I was "between a small & a medium". [Needless to say, he lost that sale.] I saw people from every country in the world and I heard nearly every major language there is to speak, but you know what I hardly ever saw?
Wedding rings on cute guys.
It was shocking really. I would look down with pessimistic anticipation and to my surprise, no ring!
This happened so often, I thought about adopting a "no glance" policy but that seemed totally crazy so I gave that up.
So, thank you, men of New York City. Thank you for being my age and not married. Thank you for your pin stripe suits and your ubiquitous iphones. But most of all, thank you for being single.
fear
The other day, my friend, Casey, told me a story about a girl she was friends with in high school and keeps up with over Facebook.
This Facebook friend, Ellen, had been married for about 5 years but with this guy since high school. Then, one day a few months ago, she posted on Facebook that he left her the night before.
He just left her. Gone in the night.
Of course, we don't know the whole story and possible years of difficult conversations, arguments and misunderstandings. Maybe it's a good thing he left because he'd been having an affair for years. We don't know.
But it reminded me of the fear I harbor the deepest about marriage and relationships: you cannot keep that other person with you by shear will or desire or even depth of your love or need. They can leave you at any time, for any reason they deem important enough to do so.
You can cry, and scream and tell them they mean everything to you. But they can still leave.
You can say you'll do anything to make it better. But they can still leave.
You can resign yourself to do whatever they say you never do and admit you were wrong. But they can still leave.
Of course, the very nature of love is its freedom. You can't make someone choose you or stay with you or love you if you force the other. That's not love.
Also, the incredible risk involved with putting yourself out there and jumping in with both feet is the beauty of love. If you aren't willing to take the risk, you simply aren't ready for love.
My heart broke for Ellen even though I have never met her and probably never will. It didn't make me retreat away from the idea of a relationship but it's a cautionary tale that does little else but prove my fear is real and not all that far away.
But of course, I knew that already, had been reminded of that just a few days before. No matter how hard you love someone, more often than not, you have to let them go.
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