fear

The other day, my friend, Casey, told me a story about a girl she was friends with in high school and keeps up with over Facebook.

This Facebook friend, Ellen, had been married for about 5 years but with this guy since high school. Then, one day a few months ago, she posted on Facebook that he left her the night before.

He just left her. Gone in the night.

Of course, we don't know the whole story and possible years of difficult conversations, arguments and misunderstandings. Maybe it's a good thing he left because he'd been having an affair for years. We don't know.

But it reminded me of the fear I harbor the deepest about marriage and relationships: you cannot keep that other person with you by shear will or desire or even depth of your love or need. They can leave you at any time, for any reason they deem important enough to do so.

You can cry, and scream and tell them they mean everything to you. But they can still leave.

You can say you'll do anything to make it better. But they can still leave.

You can resign yourself to do whatever they say you never do and admit you were wrong. But they can still leave.

Of course, the very nature of love is its freedom. You can't make someone choose you or stay with you or love you if you force the other. That's not love.

Also, the incredible risk involved with putting yourself out there and jumping in with both feet is the beauty of love. If you aren't willing to take the risk, you simply aren't ready for love.

My heart broke for Ellen even though I have never met her and probably never will. It didn't make me retreat away from the idea of a relationship but it's a cautionary tale that does little else but prove my fear is real and not all that far away.

But of course, I knew that already, had been reminded of that just a few days before. No matter how hard you love someone, more often than not, you have to let them go.