total eclipse of the heart

This summer I got my first [and only] flat screen TV.  It was a pretty big deal at my house because I had been using a giant TV that was gifted to me by a friend when I moved to my new condo.  He was upgrading to a flat screen and gave me his as hand-me-down gift that I appreciated very much.  [Later that first day in my new condo a friend [who didn’t know where the TV came from] said “that TV looks like a dude’s TV.”  Oh well, it was free.]

So I consulted with my Tech Counselor and made the big purchase.  It’s a little bigger than I expected [maybe it still looks like I have a “dude’s TV”] but I have to say that I love it.

With the new TV came new channels and, of course, HD.  I’ve also been privy to multiple viewings of the “Sex and the City” Movie.

I saw this movie in the theatre with [albeit random] girl friends and had very mixed feelings at the time.  I loved the fashion, the city as a 5^th main character, the cheesy jokes and even SJP’s voiceovers. 

But I hated the ending.

I thought it was just ludicrous that after Mr. Big drove away from their wedding without talking to Carrie and after her subsequent [and understandable!] devastation she took him back and married him.

I held onto the belief that I would never do this, nor would I support a friend who chose to do this for a long time.  To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure why this mattered to me so much, maybe just because it seemed like The Smart Girl’s Response…the girl who is/would be in control.  Maybe it’s because heartbreak is so devastating and watching her pain felt like it deserved rejection as its only retribution.

However, after watching the movie all these years later I have changed my mind.

I like that they end up together.  I like that she says just before she runs to him, “It wasn’t logic, it was love.”  I like that they get married at the Justice of the Peace in her label-less dress and those to-die-for blue Manolo’s.  I like that they have a casual lunch with their friends to celebrate.

I was wrong.  I take it back.

Maybe in the past few years I have been able to appreciate the humanness of relationships a little more.  Maybe I appreciate my own humanness in relationships more than I used to.  Maybe I see the devastation of Carrie’s break up and can feel the trepidacious hope she has when she sees his emails. And, of course, I feel the abandonment she does when she drops her purse and runs into his arms in the gorgeous new closet. 

I don’t know if I can call this change of heart an evolution of my emotions, growing up, or even just changing my mind but admitting you’re wrong or even recently deciding you were wrong is a big step.

Mostly, I hope, though that it doesn’t mean I’ve lowered my standards.